Alice in Murderland Read online

  When we reached the end of the main road, it was obvious we were in the central ski area. Rather than passers-by carrying to-go coffees and slowly admiring the view, the people wandering around this end of the village had skis on their shoulders, helmets on their heads and were making their way toward a large red gondola ready to whisk them up to the top of the hill.

  Across from the gondola entrance was a small group of about five shops, and the one in the middle had a beautiful modern, pink sign reading ‘Cat’s Cupcakes’ in cursive script.

  We stepped into the warm interior and immediately I was taken aback by just how inviting this place was. The sweet scent of baking wafted through the air, the espresso machine at the far end of the counter whirred away and the low hum of conversation from the people sitting at the dozen or so tables gave the place an incredibly lively feel. In a pink-and-white striped display case next to the counter at the far end of the store were about a dozen different flavors of amazing-looking cupcakes.

  Moving to Sapphire Village suddenly didn’t seem like as bad an idea as I first thought. I let my mouth water as I tried to make the incredibly difficult decision as to which cupcake I was going to buy while Cat waved at the woman working behind the counter.

  “Alice!” she called out a moment later. “Come meet Maddie. She’s the reason this store actually makes money,” she told me, and I smiled at the girl. She had a nice face, rimmed with curly blonde hair that reached just above her shoulders.

  “So, what can I get ya?” the girl asked, motioning at the cupcakes. “Cat’s too kind, of course. She’s the one who’s here at four every morning baking the cupcakes, and the reason it’s so busy all the time, since everyone in the Pacific Northwest knows that they have to stop at Cat’s Cupcakes if they’re in the area. It’s practically a state law.”

  I laughed, trying desperately to make a decision. “Well, I’ll definitely have a hazelnut latte,” I said. “I’m just not sure about the cupcakes. They all look so good. I’m sure you hear that all the time.” There were luscious red velvet cupcakes, with white cream cheese frosting piled high and little red sparkles on top. There were strawberry and cream flavored ones topped with fluffy cream cheese and fresh strawberries. There were s’mores flavored ones topped with toasted marshmallow fluff and pieces of graham cracker. Everything looked incredible.

  Maddie smiled. “If you want, I can surprise you with a flavor.”

  “Sure,” I said happily. “You’re way more of an expert than I am, saves me having to make the decision. I pulled out my purse to pay but Cat waved my hand away from my purse.

  “Absolutely not,” she said. “Consider it my welcome treat.”

  “Thanks, Cat,” I told my cousin with a warm smile. Despite her weird taste in, well, everything except cupcakes, I liked her already.”

  “There’s a table free by the window there, if you want to go have a seat. I’m going to deal with a few things at the back of the shop and I’ll meet you there in a minute,” she replied.

  I made my way to the table in question, which was right next to the window and overlooked the ski resort. I was surprised people were willing to ski in this weather, it had to be around 38 degrees or so, and the snow would have been soft. Still, people seemed to be happily skiing down the mountain. Just as I began to think that at least it wasn’t raining, the sun poked through a cloud, its rays illuminating the town and making it look even more magical than before.

  Maybe magical wasn’t the best word to use to describe things anymore, now that I knew magic was real. I still felt a little bit light-headed even thinking about it. I was pretty sure part of my brain was still denying that any of that had happened. And yet, another part of me knew it was true. Cat had made the robin huge, and then small again. Archibald had appeared out of nowhere. He was a ghost. An honest-to-goodness, real life ghost.

  I wondered how hard it was to do magic. After all, I should be able to do it, right? I had to ask Cat after this, when we were alone again. I wondered if Cat would give me lessons. What if I was awful at it, though? What if I accidentally messed up a spell and did something bad? Could they take away my magical powers? Who would they be? Was there a Ministry of Magic like in Harry Potter, a group of people that oversaw people with magical powers?

  I suddenly realized I had a ton of questions about magic, but before I got a chance to go through all of them in my head, Maddie came by with a steaming cup of coffee and a gorgeous salted caramel cupcake. The cake was chocolate, the frosting caramel, with a salted caramel drizzle on top. My mouth began to water just looking at it. She placed a red velvet cupcake across from me in Cat’s place.

  “It was nice to meet you,” Maddie told me.

  “You too, thanks,” I replied. Everyone here was so friendly. Maybe I had spent too long in the city, where everyone kept their eyes down and if the cashier at the grocery store told me to have a nice day, that was the extent of the talking I did to strangers outside of work.

  I ignored the coffee for a moment, lest my taste buds stage a coup. Taking a big bite of the cupcake, I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair as my mouth discovered nirvana. It was the perfect mix of sweet and salty. The cake was light and fluffy, without being too sweet.

  “You look like you just had an orgasm,” Cat said, interrupting me mid-bite.

  “Give me one more bite and I might just get there,” I replied, laughing. “This is the best cupcake I’ve ever had in my life. And I’m not just saying that so you’ll give me free cupcakes for life. Although, if that is something you would consider, I would definitely take you up on it.”

  Cat grinned. “Family eats free here. Seriously. We Calliopes take care of each other.”

  I felt a wave of appreciation flowing through me. “It’s so nice of you to do that. I can’t believe how nice you’re being to me right off the bat. After all, I’m basically a stranger to you guys.”

  “Not for long though. You’re here now, and that’s the important thing. Plus, trust me. There’s enough crazy in our family that free cupcakes are definitely not going to make up for it.”

  “I don’t know, you could probably freak out and try to stab me right now and I’d still think it was worth getting more free cupcakes.”

  “Well I’m not sure they’d let me keep baking them from jail, but I get your point.”

  “Do you use magic to make them taste this good?” I asked, and then lowered my voice “Like, the real magic?”

  Cat shook her head. “Sadly, no. Not directly, anyway. A lot of us witches have skills that seem to be enhanced compared to the regular humans. My skills seem to be in the cooking arena. But I don’t cast a spell on the cupcakes before they go into the oven or anything. The fact that I’ve probably baked around half a million cupcakes in my life probably helps as well.”

  “Cool,” I said. That was too bad; my culinary skills were limited to making macaroni and cheese, it would have been nice if I could eventually point my finger at food I’d cooked and turn it into a five-star meal instead of barely edible mush.

  Suddenly, someone at the front of the store cried out. “You! Catherine Calliope!” It seemed like maybe things weren’t as boring in Sapphire Village as Cat had made them out to be.

  Chapter Five

  I turned toward the door to see an angry woman who looked to be in her sixties or so storming toward us. With salt-and-pepper hair, a wool sweater and scarf, and blue jeans with nice black boots, she looked exactly like I would expect a retiree in the mountains to look . Apart from the fact that she looked like she wanted to strangle my cousin, of course.

  “Yes, Denise?” Cat asked casually, taking a sip of her coffee.

  “You killed her! You killed Edith!”

  At this pronouncement, everyone in the cupcake shop stopped talking, and the entire focus of the room was changed to this new conversation between Cat and Denise.

  “I most certainly did not.”

  “I heard that you found the body.”

  �
�That part is true. I was driving back to Sapphire Village, and Edith’s body was lying in the middle of the road. It looked like she knew something was wrong, got out of her car to try and get help, but didn’t make it very far before collapsing.”

  “You say that, but I know you killed her. I’ll make sure that young police chief has you arrested.”

  Cat laughed. “You wish. Edith probably just died of a heart attack. That shrivelled up old heart of hers had to give out sometime; goodness knows it was incapable of feeling anything other than spite.”

  A few people in the room gasped at Cat’s words, and Denise smiled.

  “I’ll have you know Edith’s death is being declared a homicide. And I’ll prove you did it.”

  At this news, Cat’s eyebrows raised. “Well, I guess I lose that bet then, Alice. It might have been a murder after all. I suppose if anyone in this town was going to be murdered, it would be Edith. Thanks for the information, Denise, and for so kindly sharing it with the rest of the patrons in my café. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m getting to know my cousin.”

  “No. I do mind. Edith was my friend, and you killed her.”

  “You keep saying that; if you come back with proof rather than a completely baseless accusation maybe I’ll bother responding. If you don’t have anything else to say, get out of my store.”

  “I’m going to tell Chief Griffin right now. I know it was you. I don’t know how you did it, but I won’t let you get away with this,” Denise spat at us. “You and your whole family. You’re all bad people!”

  “Hey, you don’t even know me, I’m new here,” I shot back. I didn’t know this lady, but I didn’t like her. Cat didn’t seem like the type that could murder anyone. Of course, earlier this morning I thought she was going to kidnap me and keep me in her basement or something, but that was before I realized she wasn’t kidding when she said we were witches.

  “If you’re a Calliope, you’re bad news. It’s in the genes.”

  “Yes, we’re the awful people who inconsiderately interrupt an entire café’s patrons by going on crazy rants at people in public,” Cat replied calmly. “Please leave my store. If what you say is true I imagine Chief Griffin is busy and wouldn’t appreciate me having to call him to have you removed.”

  “Fine,” Denise spat, waving a finger in Cat’s face. “But this isn’t over. I know you did it. And I’ll prove it.”

  With that she turned on her heel and stormed back toward the door. At the table closest to the door, however, was a little girl, maybe two years old, sitting in a high chair. Just as Denise stormed past, the girl laughed and threw her mini cupcake onto the floor; it landed right in Denise’s path. Denise stepped on it, and the rest looked like it happened in slow motion.

  She threw her arms out in an attempt to balance herself, but it was no use. Waving her arms around, her right leg that had stepped on the cupcake slid out from underneath her and shot up toward the ceiling. Denise let out a shriek as her body mass plummeted toward the floor and she landed with a loud thud on her rear end.

  The whole room was silent except for the laughter of the little girl, evidently delighted with what she’d done.

  “Oh my God! Ashley!” the girl’s mother cried out while scrambling out of her chair to help Denise, who pushed the woman’s hand away.

  “Get off me, and control your devil’s spawn!” she hissed.

  “I’m so sorry!” the woman cried out, but Denise only snorted in reply.

  “You’re lucky I don’t sue. That dumb kid could have crippled me!”

  “Hey,” someone else called out. “She’s a child. Leave her alone.”

  Denise replied by flipping the man off and left the restaurant. As she turned and went to the door, my eyes widened as I noticed Denise had actually landed on the mini cupcake, and the cupcake and frosting had stuck to the back of her jeans, leaving a large white spot on the back, looking a little bit like a fluffy rabbit’s tail. I threw my hands up to my mouth to cover the laugh that was threatening to come out. As I looked around the café and saw a number of smiles, it was obvious that I wasn’t the only one who had noticed.

  When Denise had finally left, I turned to Cat, who was grinning.

  “I’m surprised she didn’t threaten to sue me.”

  “She might just go straight to the lawyer.”

  Cat shook her head. “Nah. Not a chance. This is such a small town, if she sued me for this she’d become a pariah and she knows it.” I couldn’t help but notice that Maddie rushed over to the table with the little girl, and gave her a brand new cupcake, on the house. I smiled.

  “Who is she, anyway? I gather she was a friend of Edith’s?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Denise Williams was Edith’s best friend, and also in favor of the new development. She just retired last year, but she used to be a bookkeeper for one of the hotels here in town. She’s always been just as delightful as Edith.”

  “That was going to be my next question; is she always that nice?”

  Cat laughed. “Pretty much. Denise and Edith had their little group of friends, people who think they’re too good for the rest of us. Basically, if you don’t own one of those expensive chalets in one of the small neighborhoods off Main Street, you’re obviously too poor to live here, and don’t deserve their attention.”

  “Wow, what a great attitude to have about people,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Why does she think you killed Edith?”

  “Last night there was a meeting of the city council, and one of the topics that was going to be spoken about was whether or not the new development should be granted preliminary approval. I went, along with about four dozen others, to lend my voice to the ‘aw hell no!’ side of things, and Edith and I might have gotten into it a little bit,” Cat replied with a grin. If there was one thing I’d noticed about Cat, it was that she didn’t back down to a bully. I could just imagine her and Edith getting into it.

  I lowered my voice. “You uh, didn’t actually kill Edith, did you?”

  Cat burst out laughing. “No, of course not. The lady was annoying, sure, but there are a lot of annoying people in the world, and if I killed all of them I’d probably be in jail by now.”

  I grinned. “Sorry, just had to check.”

  “Seeing as you ran away from me thinking I was kidnapping you this morning, I’m not entirely surprised you asked.”

  “You seem pretty relaxed about the fact that I thought you were a crazy person.”

  “Most people around here do, I don’t take it personally,” Cat replied with a wink. We finished up the cupcakes–Cat managed to prod me into getting another one to take back for later, although I didn’t argue too much–and we made our way back down Main Street, with Cat acting as my guide.

  By the time we got back to the bookshop the sun was starting to set; Archibald was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Muffin, so Cat and I went straight back up to my apartment.

  “Thanks for showing me around today,” I told her. “And for the cupcakes.”

  “No problem! The pizza place I showed you is open until ten, I’d recommend just getting delivery from there and worrying about groceries tomorrow.”

  “Will do. I meant to ask, where did the name Pickles’ Pizza come from anyway?”

  Cat grinned. “Pickles is an Australian Shepherd the owner rescued, he likes to hang out in the front of the shop in the summer, so the owner eventually changed the name.”

  “Awwww,” I smiled. “I also wanted to ask you about the magic. Umm, how many people, exactly, are witches? Is it like, the whole town? Or just certain people? Or just us?”

  “Oh, it’s definitely not everyone. There are about a thousand witches and wizards that live here in Sapphire Village. So about 20 percent of the population. A lot of them, like the rest of our family, prefer to live in Brixton Road rather than venture out into the actual village, though. There’s only a couple hundred like us, who live primarily among the humans.”

  “Where is Brixton Road, exactly? I
looked for it on the map of the village, but didn’t see it.”

  Cat gave me a sly smile. “I’ll show you tomorrow. I think you’ve had enough adventure for one day, don’t you?”

  “Actually, being kidnapped by a crazy person, shown that magic exists, finding a dead body and being yelled at by an old lady accusing my cousin of murder is pretty par for the course for me,” I replied, getting a laugh from Cat.

  “Maybe it’s you. The trouble’s following you from the city and making its way to Sapphire Village. I’ll see you tomorrow, if you haven’t burned the town down by then.”

  “Thanks again,” I said to Cat as she left. When she was gone, I realized just how quiet the apartment seemed. The only sound was that of the fridge humming. At my tiny bachelor apartment back home I could always hear the sounds of the partygoers in the streets, horns honking, and sirens going off. Here, there was nothing. And on top of that, my suitcase still hadn’t arrived. I had one dress, my new coat, my iPad, my phone, my Kindle and my wallet. That was it. It was going to be a long night.

  Chapter Six

  I played around with my iPad for about an hour, replied to my mom’s email asking me if I got there safely, watched some YouTube videos and browsed Facebook for a while. I checked out my aunt Francine’s TV, but there was nothing good on the basic channels, which was all she had. Luckily, it was a smart TV, so a few minutes later I had Netflix loaded up.

  My stomach began to grumble a few hours into a Portlandia marathon–after all, I only lived about ninety minutes from the city now–and rather than get delivery I thought I might venture down to Pickles’ Pizza and check the place out for myself.

  I bounded back down the stairs, out the front of the bookshop–there was still no sign of either Archibald or Muffin–and back out into the street. With my legs still completely uncovered, and my jeans still in the lost suitcase, I rushed down the street toward the pizza shop.